experiences

It depends on faith

What's all this, what is this, what am I, what is the universe.... I once had a strange experience as a 15-year-old girl when I cried out loud all these questions. In the middle of the night, on a deserted football pitch in England, Isle of Wight.  Me and a friend had been out and the disco could not fascinate me, but the starry night  fascinated me.

It was from the disco a good half hour walk to our family and we went off the road to transverse the soccer fields. We had a lot of fun, it was my bbf'er (best friend ever) and she loved dancing and I loved wondering what I was and whether God existed.

Right after I screamed my questions into  the universe  - perhaps I was a bit tipsy, yeas, we Dutch kids drank already secretly, - a very strange thing happened. It seemed as if a huge energy whirlwind swirled through me from above  and it went through me to the earth and back again. I was spinning round and round and called to my girlfriend: SHIT, HELP !!! What is happening! What is happening! And suddenly I knew the answer to those questions I had cried.

After I was told (it was like a kind of seizure, my girlfriend was shocked, but we got the giggles and I remained trembling a while), it was very quiet, I was very calm. I told her my answer: "It all depends  of the faith. Truth depends on what you believe. That is the answer. it is a matter of faith, of what you are baking. What you create. God just told me.” Somehow it felt like a huge release. It meant I could believe whatever I wanted. I could make myself, I could break myself. I could be everything I could be anything.

But ehmm yeah ... but when I felt so calm and silent I suddenly felt the courage  to throw stones against the bedroom window of a boyfriend and then I dared tell him  that I really was not in love with him. After he embraced me with an "oh well, too bad for me," I went to sleep satisfied. Somehow I didn’t think it was that important, this experience, it took me some years before I found the Big Reply Night really began to interest me. Answers, therefore I do not find in specific experiences. Answers I found when I wondered who had thought up the questions.

Ps, I really wanted to write something about life and death, but it didn’t happen

 Today I found a dead seal on the beach, so maybe I will write about that next time.

this morning on the beach