Live your fucking live glorious

My dear,

It is incomprehensible, it is incomprehensible, and I'm not going to try to explain. But still I would like to point at what I really am. I am in a not very easy period of my life, a time of changes. Sometimes panic, sometimes resignation. Comes and goes. I, Annette, who thinks that ‘ I am’.

Realize this: I won’t go and I didn’t come. I'm always here and there. Always. And never. How paradoxical. Every person knows this, it’s your nature. Whatever you think of it ,  I need you to tell you this and you can be open for this if  you feel like it. Do you want? Okay. Listen: being born and dying are learned concepts. Concepts that happen in NOW. NOW. Here and now. You were told that you were born, you were told you will die. Don’t believe it. You are here and now.

But, the NOW doesn’t really exist… Why not?Because you are already making a concept of NOW. Experiencing NOW is experiencing nothing. A nothing. A not  position. A NOT existing position. Any position you will imagine will find place in your mind. Cut the crap.

How do I know? I can not know. But I'm telling you.

You don’t want to know? Good. Knowing or not knowing are just concepts, the same  sides of the same coin. I fucking can not help it that I have to pretend what I'm saying. It's what I am.

I'm not a teacher, I have no charisma, I am something nothing. An average person, the average formless creature. And that is why I sing this for you.

Please forgive me if I am not clear to you. So let me be clear now: live your live as if you will die next moment.  

Formless Creature Can you hear the rainbow, do you see the sound of the Moon she’s humbling while she is hanging around my mind is speechless and I never wonder why , I just breath and sight the colors through my head My body, my soul, my nature, but actually I am a totally Formless Creature Do you see the Earth; she is dressed in blue like a shining star Imagine anything, this is what you are and I believe in you and me, we are heading for liberty, I love my body, my soul, my nature but actually I am a totally Formless Creature Colors through my mind are rolling over the lines, having fun Non local points of views are connecting me and you – having fun I’m a Formless Creature I got this view from my window, I can see the light, It tells the story of the shadows in my life, it’s time to countdown Nobody knows how my ignorance grows no no no no body, my soul, my nature – actually I am a totally Formless Creature Nobody knows how my ignorance grows, nobody knows I m wrapped in my illusions but I mended my confusion I’m a Formless Creature

Experience of Oneness

Before, I did not pay much attention to special experiences. What I wanted was truth, the one all-encompassing truth. I wanted answers to my questions. If I had spiritual experiences - it happened to me spontaneously and I name them afterwards as such - I soon realized that these experiences are special, but fleeting. They come and they go.

I can tell you about some of this kind of experiences.

An experience I had was at the Amsterdam river the “ IJ” and also at a playground in the sandbox gave me the insight that one can experience unity be because I and all the other people basically perceive the same things: clouds, sky, trees, animals, etc. So at  some level everyone sees the same thing, although the observations are interpreted slightly differently as it is individually appropriate.

In addition, I was overcome (the IJ), the incredible insight that I have nothing, I own no insight, no knowledge, no ‘do not know’, I possess not even myself. This experience was an upside-down reverse experience.

Also, I once had an overpowering experience while I just sat behind my PC. It was as if I was struck by lightning , my whole living room seemed to disappear and I could only perceive energies and I danced like a mad professor Barabbas on the table and bench that does not really exist at that time, I seemed to fall into a timeless space. Anyway, also went beyond that experience.

And now comes the crucial point.  All experiences from my past are not real. They have not really taken place. They only occur at the moment that I describe above. They are only really in the NOW. They appear in my imagination NOW. I create them essential it right here. I call 'experiences,' I call 'past', I call time and space. It is done now. Now.

Now you may think that at that time it happened, it was also a Now.

Got nothing to do with that.  Now  IS now.

This movie I made when I seemed to completely disappear as a person in the beauty of the colors on the beach. As this movie will appear in your perception, is it always NOW.

Waiting for consciousness

bicycle path

Nice life? Nice life?Do you have a nice life when you want to go out there and it does not seem to be possible? But Jesus did it!

I have a hangover today, at least, I think it is a hangover after that whole bottle of wine I've drunk last night. And I thought about that so-called suffering physical pain and that people say: well, it belongs there.

Yes, if you've got a bit much to drink and the next day you feel sick as a dog because you have a hangover  you can not do anything but wait until it passes.

So that is what I am doing .I wait.  I am still waiting. And it's already after 5 pm!

There are people who wait their whole life until their life is over, did you know that?

Or they wait for consciousness.

When I last had a gig as a songwriter there was someone in the audience and  he told that Osho had given him a nam). His name means:  he is waiting for consciousness.

What a joker, that Osho.

Consciousness itself never waits.  It does not wait until Annette arrives or ‘ He Who Waits for consciousness’. Consciousness has no idea!

But me, I have lots of ideas! I think my body, I think myself, I think illness and suffering. I have a great imagination.  I even think Waiting. It’s a good option: just wait until the misery ends.

But never mind waiting for Consciousness! For you ARE consciousnesses.

bicycle path

Okay, just wait until the water is gone, or just try to cycle over it. Or find another way to pass… is there a choice? Yes you will choose the easiest way for you only. You even don’t need to think about it!

Oh yeah, just this: my youngest daughter said last night after I was dropped from table angry because I was completely ignored, "Mommy, your vision is your gone to your head."

I agreed that of course immediately. Everyone is always right, in my view.

But still just asked back: "Yes, but why do you say that?"

"Because of you all is to invent! "

Yeah! Right!

The dog chasing his tail

Today I tell you that I've noticed that there is space between thoughts, between observations. I will immediately say that I made this up.

Want to note that there is such a thing as space between my thoughts and my observations I should already again have an image of something like 'space'. And space is in my vision something illusionary, it actually does not exist. Anyway, so I quickly bogged down in talking about anything and I can stop writing this blog. But I won’t.

Still, I wish  for now to now take this seriously, this 'seeing' of space. It is because noticing space has a lot of consequences. It gives me experience as if  I perceive shreds. Patches forms of existence itself. I will try to explain this:  when I hear my daughters cackle with each other (or children in my class) and while listening to those conversations I see openings, gaps between their reactions to each other, gaps during me hearing this : I hear they speak and hear nothing,  they speak and hear nothing.  I see a figure (you for example)  and I see  nothing, I see a figure and I see  nothing. That 'nothing' must be seen as 'something', and in my imagination it is white. A white balloon. That's the image I get from 'nothing'.  How else could I see nothing? This is a most strange situation. My awareness of nothing is immediately making something up.

Yeah, okay, you can drop out again, but there's something interesting here. The same experience I got with  pain. Physical pain is just the most obvious example: if I have a lot of pain (like  toothache), I feel that pain sometimes is not. There is pain, pain is gone, there is pain, pain gone. Very strange. But I've come up with a statement for it. I have something figured out for my imagined voids, interstices. The explanation is this: I am not what I perceive, I am that what sees the emptiness and the forms.

That's a divorce. I do that on purpose, because if I'm going to pretend that I actually am what I perceive, including the observer himself, then I turn into the dog who is chasing its own tail. But … right, actually I'm that dog. Including its tail of course.

Okay, enough bullshit, I have the song already here and shared, it seems to me particularly finest song to date. And guess what, it's for YOU! Click on this link:

interviews about nonduality

Via an email from someone (P. Kicken) I discovered  the site where you can watch vids of very many people who have been interviewed about the idea nonduality. I thought it would be nice to click on those faces and  listen to them for a while , it took me a few minutes by every face, because everybody is talking about the same subject.

I clicked especially on attractive faces (unconscious action), but suddenly I thought: okay, eyes closed and go! , and then I clicked on just a face.

And so that was immediately the interview what fascinated me the most !! It was already midnight and  I went to bed and listened to the entire interview, with smart phone ears and under the covers.

I must admit, I think at first I kept listening because it was said in the beginning  that he has a radio show - and I love radio people, I'm always enjoying myself at local radio as I  may sing there- and secondly, he says somewhere in the beginning: "... the more complex the people talk about nonduality  it, the less true it is." Then he really had my attention.

 Nice interview! Furthermore, many listening / viewing pleasure to the rest of course :) There are interviews English spoken on this site!

See: http://www.a-dvaita.nl/interviews.htm - and the English interviews you can find here: 

http://www.a-dvaita.nl/english_interviews.htm

Bull shit

People, actually my stories are pure bull shit. The point is: there is only you. You who is reading this and you who is now. You who creates your whole world right at this moment.

You create your future, you creates your ideas about your birth and your death. All false.

I understand if you are not really interested, especially if you are like I lead a pretty nice life. But it's great if you suddenly turn the whole, it takes away the ground beneath your feet , nothing is what it seemed to be.  lAnd that is the liberation,  that  for god saken loving liberation that every human is heading for!

Okay, here is the movie of the seal. The question is:    what is life and what is  death and how you think about your life.  you lead your life full of passion? Go for it, go for it!

click here for what i found on the beach today: the seal

experiences

It depends on faith

What's all this, what is this, what am I, what is the universe.... I once had a strange experience as a 15-year-old girl when I cried out loud all these questions. In the middle of the night, on a deserted football pitch in England, Isle of Wight.  Me and a friend had been out and the disco could not fascinate me, but the starry night  fascinated me.

It was from the disco a good half hour walk to our family and we went off the road to transverse the soccer fields. We had a lot of fun, it was my bbf'er (best friend ever) and she loved dancing and I loved wondering what I was and whether God existed.

Right after I screamed my questions into  the universe  - perhaps I was a bit tipsy, yeas, we Dutch kids drank already secretly, - a very strange thing happened. It seemed as if a huge energy whirlwind swirled through me from above  and it went through me to the earth and back again. I was spinning round and round and called to my girlfriend: SHIT, HELP !!! What is happening! What is happening! And suddenly I knew the answer to those questions I had cried.

After I was told (it was like a kind of seizure, my girlfriend was shocked, but we got the giggles and I remained trembling a while), it was very quiet, I was very calm. I told her my answer: "It all depends  of the faith. Truth depends on what you believe. That is the answer. it is a matter of faith, of what you are baking. What you create. God just told me.” Somehow it felt like a huge release. It meant I could believe whatever I wanted. I could make myself, I could break myself. I could be everything I could be anything.

But ehmm yeah ... but when I felt so calm and silent I suddenly felt the courage  to throw stones against the bedroom window of a boyfriend and then I dared tell him  that I really was not in love with him. After he embraced me with an "oh well, too bad for me," I went to sleep satisfied. Somehow I didn’t think it was that important, this experience, it took me some years before I found the Big Reply Night really began to interest me. Answers, therefore I do not find in specific experiences. Answers I found when I wondered who had thought up the questions.

Ps, I really wanted to write something about life and death, but it didn’t happen

 Today I found a dead seal on the beach, so maybe I will write about that next time.

this morning on the beach